Of all the movies...

There's a lot I could blog about. There are a lot of things I could talk about. There are a lot of movies I could talk about. But I'm going to talk about Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation.

Directed by Kim Henkel. Less importantly starring Mathew McCounahay who gets to be in the scariest role you will ever see him in, Rene Zellwegger in a strange role and a few other B actors. More importantly Kim Henkel was the co-writer for the original 1974 Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

So it came on, and as there is little to watch on a Saturday night, I figured a bad horror movie could always be fun. Usually I give a movie I forsee as going to be "bad" about 15 minutes to see if theres some hook. It doesn't have to be a good one, just some reason not to change the channel to Sportscenter repeats, just some reason why this movie was made.

It starts off very on the nose and boring and 70s, but it was made in '94 so there had to be some reason? Was it motif or just bad film making? I dunno, kept watching 10 minutes in. Still very scripted, but it's getting more obvious. Maybe it will be campy? 94 wasn't really into campy horror though, the late 80s and early 90s were much more about sequels and serialized horror. The Jasons, Freddys, Hellraisers, were all sequelized in the 90s. So this remake could just as easily be...really bad horror...and then there's this turn.

There had been one jump scare so far, the rest was all ambiance fear, setting mood and what not. A female character, the dumb prom queen one, waits in the front of the creepy house while her boyfriend, the obnoxious jock, goes around the back. In frame is simply the girl on a porch bench and then slowly, with no jump, a large figure enters the frame. He moves his way over, but is too tall for the screen. We can only see him from the waist down, so we know he's huge. And he just stands behind her. He very slowly waves at her hair with a few fingers. She bats it away. Again. A few times. Then it just cuts away. Nice, light, simple. This was not a 90s movie.

From there it makes a lot of really interesting choices in terms of horror and gore, who gets killed, how, how someone escapes and all that. McConaughey plays an incredibly creepy sadistic lunatic with a robotic leg, for some reason. The interesting choice made here is what they did with McConaughey and the other villains. Our heroes were stereotyped action figures. There was the heroine who was shy and quiet and everyone made fun of her, there was the prom queen who was really wishing to be more free, the jock who didn't fear anything, and the geeky guy who got to die. None of them had any sort of backstory. Usually what horror tries to do is bury you in the hero's life so you feel apart of it, so when it gets scared, you get scared. This movie does the exact opposite. It humanizes the villains...to a degree. It's not a horror movie like Seven which is based in realism, the world in this movie is still cartoonish, as most horror. But this time the horror isn't the cartoon, the heroes are.

The purpose for this becomes incredibly clear near the end, when a mysterious black car drives up to the house. A french man gets out, walks in, and tries to calm down Rene Zellwegger. Then he berates and beats McConaughey for "not being scary enough." It's vague and ridiculous, but not absurd. He tells McConaughey to really scare her, he wants her to know what real fear is, and that he is just being a "silly boy." Then he leaves. Then there's a brutal killing, which I'll spare the details for the weaker of the readers, but trust me, it was pretty cruel. Then there's a big chase scene, Rene gets out and eventually McConaughey dies, in a ridiculous fashion. And Leatherface, remember, this is a Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie, as a complete cross dresser (which he always was, but by the end of the movie is in full on wacky attire). After McConaughey dies, the black car is there, and Rene gets in to have a final conversation with the French guy. He explains that his intent was to really scare people into having a spiritual experience. That he really tried to scare people for good. And that now, the people he hires are so far out of whack and so far gone with gore and needless violence that they have forgotten what they were supposed to do in the first place.

I don't know if Henkel was trying to say anything about the horror industry or not. I don't know if he was calling out everyone who sold out and made a copy of a movie that hurt a genre that was finally making progress. I don't know if Henkel was just bitter that what he tried to create spawned awful sequels (one of which stars Viggo Mortenson, I gotta find that one) that ultimately set horror back at least 10-20 years. I don't know Kim Henkel. I do like his movies though.

The way to act in the NBA

In case any of you don't keep up with NBA news, tonight the Dallas Mavericks lost to the Denver Nuggets, in Denver, advancing Denver to their first trip to the conference finals in 20 some odd years. Aside from always being happy when Dallas exits the playoffs, this year has a little more sugar on top.

Here's the story regarding the Mavericks, Mark Cuban, Keyon Martin's mother and the city of Dallas:

So Denver was the far superior team, talent wise. This was evident by the first few games not being close. In game 3, the Nuggets were down by 2 with 3 seconds left. The Mavs had a foul to give, which means they could foul someone without that person shooting free throws. The strategy here is to foul someone because it takes time off the clock and prevents a shot from the Nuggets. Without getting into the philosophy of whether or not this tactic is ethical or not, what happened was the Mavs player "tried" to foul Carmello Anthony (out of...championship winning Syracuse), but the foul wasn't called and Mello hit a 3, giving them the lead with about a second to go. This was cause for controversy because the Mavs player "tried" to foul him, but whether or not a foul is called is up to the refs, and they didn't call the foul.

After the game, Mark Cuban, the Mavs owner, was so irate that as he was leaving the stadium he walked past Kenyon Martin (big center for Denver)'s mother and to her face, called her son a reckless thug, and proceeded to heckle her further. A defenseless mother, sitting in the stands, just happy to see her son playing basketball, was yelled at because Mark Cuban has the temper of a 5 year old. The entire Denver team called out Dallas saying they needed an apology. They never received one.

Game 4 was played in Dallas, and Mark Cuban's actions riled up the fans to the point where they heckled Martin's mother and Carmello's fiance in the crowd. A lack of an apology or any real recognition of fault on the organization's part lead to even more unnecessary taunting. Dallas overcame a deficit in the game, and won.

It wasn't until yesterday that Mark Cuban apologized. Via his blog. Now, I'm all for blogging, and Cuban keeps up a decent blog, as idiotic and juvenile as it is. But that's how you apologize? On the blog, Cuban said, "I apologize for my actions and the next time Martin's family is in Dallas they can stay with me and my family in my suite."

Chauncey Billups, Denver point guard, said, "We still feel like Mark needs to apologize in person. And we don't plan on coming back to Dallas." Billups was implying that they wouldn't need to play a game 6, meaning they would take care of Dallas tonight in Denver. And they did, handily, thank God.

Mark Cuban is a pain in the side of the NBA, and sports in general. For a while I thought that his antics were fun and innocent, but after a point, you have to grow up. The entire organization is a joke, from the ground up. These are people that have an influence on the way people feel, and to ignore tact and respect is just absurd.

To emphasize my point, I want to point out this "situation" with Glen Davis and the little kid he shoved. Here's what happened there: Glen Davis hits a game winning jump shot with 2 seconds to go and in his moment of elation and celebration, he sprints down the court and inadvertently pushes a little kid who was standing court side. After the game, the kid's father called Davis, "a reckless animal." From watching it, it was obviously apparent Davis didn't see the kid, seeing as how Davis is plus 6 feet and 250 pounds, and the kid was about 3 feet tall. Davis, however, did publicly apologize saying, "I'm a big guy and sometimes I can't even feel when I sit on the remote. I didn't see the kid, I didn't mean to cause anyone harm and if I caused anyone pain I apologize."

How's that for the way to act? He didn't owe anyone an apology. But he comes out, makes sure everyone is ok, and handles himself with poise and humor. The father of the kid has even since come out and apologized for his harsh behavior. So everyone has apologized and everyone is happy.

This is just the difference between a caliber team like the Celtics versus the caliber of a team like the Mavericks. From the players to coaches to the owners, everyone makes a difference on a sports team and it's about time some people realized that.

There are sports figures who can be heroes. There are sports figures who can lift spirits and bring people together. There are sports figures who can make people feel elation and joy and pride. Then there are sports figures who curse out old ladies.

Thank God we don't have to put up with Mark Cuban anymore, at least until next basketball season.

Because everyone needs to know

Tonight marks the tallest pitching match up in baseball history. Meaning tonight there was a match up of pitchers whose combined height is the tallest in recorded history.

It was Randy Johnson 6"10 vs. Daniel Cabrera 6"9

That's all. You just needed to know that.